You kept the Suit?
by xAddictedToWordsx
Summary: <html><head></head>In Captain America, Bucky asked Steve if he was going to keep his suit. What if this led to feelings being revealed? What if, when Bucky fell from the train, they'd already acted on these feelings? Bucky regains his memories four months after the events of The Winter Soldier; can he find his way back to Steve? Will the Avengers let him? (Steve x Bucky) (Rated M for flashback)</html>


**Disclaimer: I do not own Captain America or The Avengers. Any characters or related settings are not mine and belong to Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, Stan Lee, or Marvel Studios unless otherwise stated. **

**- CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS -**

**10:24am, Avengers Tower, New York City**

**Steve Rogers' Quarters**

"_But you're keeping the outfit, right?"_

Steve stood in front of one of the mirrors in his room, staring at the star emblem across his chest. Bucky's words echoed through his head, the low undertone of heat that had lined his words burned into his mind as he recalled the twinkle in his best friend's eyes that evening in the bar. When he had found Bucky in that factory, half delirious, he had thought that the Sergeant had raked his eyes over him and his suit in something dangerously close to want, but he hadn't been sure, and hadn't wanted to start anything that wouldn't be reciprocated, but that night in the bar, his suspicions had been confirmed.

"You know what? It's kind of growing on me."

Steve's voice echoed in the emptiness of his room, before the echoes were swallowed by the silence, and the lack of response made Bucky's absence all the clearer. The pain in Steve's chest grew worse as he thought about his friend, the sharp pang of want and longing weighing down his heart as he blinked away tears. That one night that they had been gifted before their final mission was forever engrained into Steve's memory. The smoothness of Bucky's skin, the tenderness of his touch, the heated blush that travelled up his chest as he became undone… that small but confident smirk that lit up his face every time even the smallest noise of pleasure escaped from Steve's lips. Steve's lips trembled as he remembered, but even though the tears were burning behind his lids, he didn't want to cry, because that night was one of his favourite memories of his best friend. Because it was the night that they each realised that everything they did for one another, every word, every touch, every instance of saving one another from one thing or another, was because they were in love. It wasn't just that they were best friends, or that Bucky had kept Steve alive into adulthood, or that Steve had gone back for Bucky when no-one else would. And they had finally known.

Steve lifted a hand and in the mirror he watched himself brush his fingertips across the top of his nose and sweep across his cheekbone, where he remembered Bucky brushing his nose, delicately stroking until he could bury his face in Steve's neck after they had both finished and were lay panting in one another's arms. He could still feel the strands of Bucky's hair sifting through his fingers as he ran a hand delicately across the back of his scalp, still damp with sweat similar to that which Steve could feel running down his own temple to disappear into his blonde hair.

That night, the solid weight of Bucky on top of him had made him feel alive, had made his heart beat stronger and his lungs breathe deeper because he finally knew what it was like to really live the life he wanted without hiding what he really felt. It had given Steve the best night's sleep he had had since Bucky had left New York the last time before Steve's transformation, but the next night, when Steve had lain in bed, absent Bucky, with the sting of his loss still foremost in his mind, the memories of the previous night had haunted him. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt the mattress dip, felt the feather light touch of lips across his collarbone, heard the breathless chuckles that had escaping when Steve had skimmed his fingertips across Bucky's ribs in the dark. In the end, he hadn't slept for three days straight until he had passed out from exhaustion into a thankfully dreamless sleep.

When he had planned to crash the ship into the ice, he had been talking to Peggy, but in his mind, it was Bucky he was speaking to. It was Bucky he was returning to. That had been his last thought as the ship had impacted; Bucky had met his resting place in a snow covered abyss, and so would Steve. They would be together. When he had been awakened some 70 years later, his first thoughts had been that he had failed Bucky again. It was part of the reason why Steve found it so hard in this new time. It was why he made jokes in the field that nobody understood, and he would kick himself because the only person who would have understood them would have been Bucky, and every time a joke fell flat, it was another twist in his heart that he had failed to protect the person he held most dear.

Steve ran a hand over the star, feeling the material of his suit under his palm, and he sighed. The serum had been both a blessing and a curse. It had allowed him to follow Bucky out to the front line and rescue him from Red Skull, but it was also now making him the Winter Soldier's greatest enemy. Seeing Bucky again had shocked Steve to his core, but seeing the lack of recognition in his eyes had cut him to the quick. The confusion in his eyes had been painful, and the lack of understanding in his voice…_"Who the hell is Bucky?"_….that had _hurt_. Knowing that Bucky was so close, close enough to touch, and yet so far away….

After their encounter on the bridge, Steve had searched for some sign that Bucky remembered him every time he saw him, but so far he hadn't seen a thing. And then on the helicarrier, he couldn't make himself fight him anymore. He couldn't lift another hand against his best friend, against the man he loved, so he hadn't. And he had taken every blow Bucky had dealt him, knowing that beneath it all, it wasn't Bucky's fault. He didn't know what he was doing; the Winter Soldier had taken over and Bucky was buried somewhere deep inside, unable to get free. But if he was going to go down, it wouldn't be with Bucky's blood on his hands.

He remembered the ice cold water, the crushing pain in his chest, and the darkness that closed around him. But he also remembered the glint of silver as the darkness took over, reaching out to him, and the overwhelming sense of safety as a strong arm had wrapped around his waist, pulling him upwards. He had been immediately transported back to their tiny New York flat, where the heating kicked out and the draft came under the door. Where Steve was constantly sniffling and coughing, but Bucky would always slip into the bed beside him at night, one arm around his waist, holding him back against his chest to try and warm him up.

Waking up in the hospital, he knew it had been Bucky that saved him, but when he had mentioned it to Natasha or Sam, they had both given him such desperate looks of pity that he hadn't mentioned it again. But he knew. He knew that somewhere, no matter how deep, Bucky remembered him. He remembered that they meant something to each other. And for Steve, that was enough until Bucky remembered him properly.

Steve was startled out of his thoughts by the alarm blaring throughout the tower, and he rested his hand once more over his star, murmuring Bucky's name with a small smile before he strode from the room, collecting his shield from its position against the wall as he went.

**- CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TES - CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TES -**

**Industrial site, New York City**

"Stark, I thought there was something wrong. There's no one here."

Natasha's voice was unimpressed as she headed back over to them from where she had gone to investigate a suspicious sound in one of the buildings nearby. The Avengers were gathered around in a circle in the middle of a collection of industrial buildings, Tony trying to understand why they had been called to the location when nothing was wrong. He fired so many questions at JARVIS that the AI had taken to only responding with sarcasm, and the genius quickly gave up muttering about rebooting the computer from the coffee machine, or something to that extent. Steve turned away from his friend, surveying the area. There was nothing to suggest any trouble, but Steve didn't like leaving an area unchecked. He cleared his throat.

"Right, let's stop pointing fingers at why we're here. Whilst we're here, we might as well check it out even if just to clear it as safe."

The team muttered as they went their individual ways, but Steve thought that Tony was secretly elated at the chance to get away from Natasha in her current mood. He rolled his eyes at them and headed for the building directly behind them, shield in front of him as he kicked open the door and slipped inside.

The building was bare, with support beams and rafters the only things in sight. Except… except for a figure, leaning against a support in the centre of the building. They were mostly concealed in shadow, but a beam of light entered through the crack in the back entrance to the structure, cutting across the darkness to glint off an expanse of metal that peeked from beneath the arm of the black sweatshirt the figure wore. Steve's breath caught in his throat as he took a step forward.

Bucky was leaning his shoulder against the support, his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed, seemingly at ease, but Steve knew better. He recognised the nervous tension in the man's shoulders, the gentle tap of his foot against the floor that belied his anxiety. They were such tell-tale 'Bucky' mannerisms that Steve had to look twice. Somewhere in the last four months, the Winter Soldier had morphed back into Bucky; his hair was no longer lank and to his jaw, but cut back like in 1945, his leather uniform had disappeared and instead he wore dark jeans, a t shirt and a hooded sweatshirt, with a cap to cover his face. He pushed away from the wall as Steve stepped closer, and hands still in his pockets, he walked forward until they were merely two steps apart.

They watched each other, neither speaking, and it was then that Steve noticed the dog tags hanging from his friend's neck. The ones that proclaimed him as James B Barnes, not the Winter Soldier. The ones that Steve had traced that last night, imprinting every letter and dent into his memory, not knowing that it would be the last time he would do so for 70 years. He looked back up to meet slate blue eyes that held a hint of desperation and a great deal of trepidation. Swallowing hard, he spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the silence of the building.

"Buck?"

Bucky's lips twisted at the familiar nickname.

"You kept the suit then, huh, punk?"

Steve's laugh exploded out of him on a breath, and he scrubbed a hand over his face, eyes burning with relieved tears as he looked back to see a smile growing on Bucky's face. He loved seeing Buck smile, always had. His eyes traced over his best friend's features as he grinned back at him.

"Yeah, well, it grew on me."

"Don't move."

Steve's smile dropped at the same time that Bucky's eyes grew tired. Natasha's voice cut through the silence like one of her bullets, and Steve glanced towards where she stepped in through the doorway, gun raised and aimed at the back of Bucky's head. He heard a creak above him and knew that Clint was in position, probably with an arrow cocked and ready to fly, and the sound of repulsors filled the air as Tony flew in through the doorway, one arm raised and aimed at Bucky's back. Bruce stepped into the building, but looked nowhere near ready to release the 'Other Guy', so Steve felt relatively safe on that front. The others however where a different story.

Steve could see the dejection in Bucky's eyes as he looked around and then back at Steve. His fingers itched to clutch his best friend to him and shield him from the world, but he knew any movement would be taken out on Bucky first.

"Team, stand down."

"Sorry, Cap, We can't do that. He's a threat."

Steve closed his eyes at Clint's words. He didn't believe him that Bucky was still inside the Winter Soldier. Mind control of any kind made him wary, especially after Loki.

"Guys, please. It's Bucky. He's not a threat."

"Cap, you heard Sam. Winter Soldiers not the kind you save. He's the kind we stop. I'm sorry. Orders from higher up."

Steve saw Bucky's eyes cloud at their words, and his heart wrenched in two at the lines of pain that stemmed from his eyes as his face crumpled and he looked at the floor. After a moment, Bucky lifted his face and looked Steve in the face, a small sad smile on his lips. He took a breath before mouthing to Steve as the sound of Tony's repulsors starting filled the air.

_I love you_.

Steve's eyes blew wide as the repulsors reached a crescendo, and Bucky closed his eyes, resigned to his fate, but Steve couldn't do it. He couldn't stand by and watch the man he loved die all over again.

"Bucky, no!"

He lunged forward, arms reaching for Bucky as he heard the twang of the crossbow and the click of the gun before the shot. His arms coiled around Bucky and yanked him into his chest, shield coming up to cover his head and upper back, and head ducking to shield their faces. He twisted his back to Natasha, and then time slowed.

In his arms, Bucky froze, a slight tremor running beneath his skin. A _clang_ sounded as Clint's arrow hit the shield and rebounded away. A _fizz_ as the repulsor blast hit Steve's arm and burned at the material, dragging a hiss from Steve's lips and knocking him off balance. And finally, a _clang_ as the bullet from Natasha's gun hit the back of his helmet, right where Bucky's temple had been not two seconds earlier. The impact knocked him completely off balance, and he toppled, taking Bucky down with him to the ground, still shielding him beneath him.

There was a sudden silence, before the sound of Bucky's panicked voice filed the air.

"Steve? Steve! Answer me! Steve?!"

Using his metallic arm, Bucky was able to roll Steve from on top of him and was kneeling over him in a moment, eyes wide in fear. A second _twang_ sounded, followed by a grunt as it struck Bucky, but the soldier ignored it in favour of checking on Steve. Bucky's sound of pain forced Steve to shake away the ringing in his ears from the bullet to his helmet, and he sat up, one hand reaching out to Bucky, who leaned into it, fitting it around his cheek as he scanned Steve for harm. When he was sure the bullet hadn't hit him, he sagged forward, forehead hitting Steve's shoulder, and Steve wrapped an arm around his shoulder, shield protecting him once again as his team closed in.

"_What was that?_"

Steve was surprised by the sound of his own voice. It was cold, angry, and he saw Natasha and Clint stand up a little straighter at the sound. Tony just stepped backwards, and Bruce seemed to staying far away, leaning against the support that Bucky had originally leant on, watching the scene unfold.

Natasha cleared her throat.

"We thought he was a threat."

Steve glared.

"You defied a direct order, after which you were informed there was no threat. Yet still you fired. Not only that, but after the initial shot missed, _Clint_, you shot again. I'll repeat. What was that?"

Clint spluttered.

"I thought he was going for you!"

Steve raised his eyebrow.

"By calling my name? By asking of I was okay? Yeah, sounds like an assassination attempt to me too. Now stand down! Weapons away!"

He waited until they had holstered their weapons then turned to the man in his arms. He looked down at Bucky, nudging him back to be able to see his face. Bucky looked up; he was paler than he had been, with a thin sheen of sweat across his brow. Steve frowned and looked around his best friend to see the arrow penetrating his lower back.

"Bucky! Your back! Bruce!"

Bucky grimaced as Steve leant him forward, and Bruce came over from his watch point to kneel behind him, pushing Natasha and Clint out of the way and causing Bucky to tense up and then let out a hiss of pain at the action. Steve shushed him and held his head against his shoulder as Bruce prodded the wound, before the doctor looked up at the two assassins.

"I need a knife. Please."

Natasha and Clint looked at one another, and then to Steve, who glared.

"Now."

Clint handed his over, breaking eye contact with Steve and looking away as Bruce cut away at the t shirt around the wound. Looking up at Steve, he motioned for him to hold tighter to Bucky before pressing the knife into the wound to make it bigger. Bucky tensed, and then let out a low moan of pain as the knife dug deeper, staining the shirt with more red before the wound was wide enough to carefully remove the arrowhead which he immediately handed back to Clint, along with his knife. He looked at Tony.

"In the jeep, there's a first aid kit; can you grab it for me, please?"

Tony saluted him and shot from the building, retuning not even a minute later with the case in hand. Bruce sorted through the contents until he found the right bandages and gauze for the wound. All the while, Bucky stayed with his head pressed into Steve's throat, breathing hard as Steve's hand pressed into the ape of his neck, thumb rubbing soothing circles into his skin. As soon as Bruce had finished, Steve stood, gently pulling Bucky along with him until they both stood up, Bucky still leaning against his best friend. He then wrapped an arm around his friend's waist, taking case to avoid his wound, and guided him past the others towards the jeep, ignoring Natasha trying to catch his eye.

Tony cleared his throat.

"Right, well, er, we'll meet you back at the tower. Bruce, you drive; I'll take Tasha and Clint with me."

Bruce nodded, and jogged to catch up with Steve and Bucky, leaving the others standing in the empty building. As they moved to leave, Tony spotted something. Small and dented, misshapen and crooked, the bullet lay on the ground. Bending down, Tony picked it up, rolled it between his fingers before storing it for later and leading the two assassins outside ready to leave.

**- CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS -– CA-TWS -– CA-TWS - CA-TWS - CA-TWS -**

**Avengers Tower, New York City**

**Steve Rogers' Quarters**

Steve looked down at the man sleeping in his bed. As soon as he got Bucky back to the tower, he'd taken him straight to his room and set him down. With the Winter Soldier gone, Bucky seemed almost vulnerable, and Steve wondered what had happened to make the conditioning fall away like it had.

He stroked a hand over Bucky's hair, stroking the back of a finger down his cheek, feeling the stubble catch on his skin. The pain and tension had eased from his features in sleep, and Steve smiled at the sight of the Bucky he knew from 1945, before he had left Brooklyn the last time. He sighed. They were both different, very different to the men they had been then, but inside they were still _them_. They were still Steve and Bucky, and Steve would make sure that they were alright.

There was the sound of a door closing down the corridor, and Bucky stirred at the sound. Steve went back to stroking his hair, hoping to lull him back to sleep, but to no avail. Blue eyes blinked open and lifted until they met Steve's, a small smile lighting Bucky's face as he rolled over onto his back to look at Steve properly. His eyes were slightly wide, and he reached up to touch Steve's face, hand jerking back in shock when it connected with his jaw.

Steve frowned at the deer-in-headlights look that Bucky suddenly had, and he caught the hand that had been snatched back, lifting it to rest against his face again. He smiled down at Bucky reassuringly and spoke quietly.

"What's up, Buck?"

Bucky swallowed hard.

"_It wasn't a dream._"

Ahh. Steve shook his head.

"No dream, Buck. You're stuck with me."

Bucky pulled his hand away in order to push himself carefully into a sitting position, keeping his eyes on Steve the whole time. Closing his eyes momentarily against what Steve assumed was the pain from his back, he shuffled down until his hip was flush with Steve where he sat on the edge of the bed, and lifted a hand to rest against Steve's cheek, framing his face. His eyes roamed his face, and he released a deep breath before he smiled sadly and spoke.

"I'm sorry."

Steve frowned.

"What for?"

Bucky quirked an eyebrow at him and let a small, disbelieving laugh escape. He let his hand fall to rest on his lap and bent a knee up to lean on

"What for? Seriously? Come on, Steve. I've spent the last fifty years killing people just because someone told me to. I tried to kill _you_ because they told me to."

Steve shook his head.

"Bucky, that wasn't you. It might have been your _body_-" he cut off Bucky's attempt at an argument to the contrary "-but it wasn't _you_. It was the Winter Soldier, Buck. You, James Buchanan Barnes, are _not_ the Winter Soldier."

Bucky sighed and closed his eyes, pressing the heels of his palms into them for a moment whilst he fought for control. Steve lifted a hand and tangled it in the hair at the back of Bucky's head, waiting until he looked up again to speak.

"Where's he gone, anyway?"

Bucky shrugged.

"I don't know. After the crash, things didn't make sense anymore. No one was giving my orders, and the longer I went without orders, the more restless he became and the more my memories slipped back. On the helicarrier, I knew that I knew you somehow, but I couldn't remember. That's why I could complete the mission. That kind of started a chain reaction, I think. After that, I couldn't look at people the same way – like targets anymore. When I saw them, I thought about who they were, their families, their lives, and I started to realise that I hadn't been doing good, like they said, but that instead, they'd been using me for evil, but He didn't understand. He was confused; he didn't understand what life was like before, back in Brooklyn, with you. All He knew was killing and pain; the more and more convinced I became that I wasn't doing the right thing, the quieter he got, like he was listening to me. The day I remembered what we were to each other, and what I'd nearly done to you meant, I woke up screaming, and since then, I haven't felt him take control. It's like he's just…gone. Like remembering you pushed him out."

Steve nodded quietly. It made some kind of sense. He and Bucky had been such a big part of each other's lives before The Fall that it made sense that remembering it might cause the conditioning to revert back to how it was before Bucky was taken. That Bucky recalling his own morals and values made the Winter Soldier rethink all he had been taught, and that maybe, just maybe, he agreed with Bucky over HYDRA.

Either way, Steve was just glad that Bucky was back, and that he knew about him and them, and everything. He framed Bucky's face in his hands, stroking over his cheeks gently as he let his eyes wander over his features. He remembered doing the same thing in the warehouse, and then recalled the last words that Bucky had planned to say to him. He smiled.

"Hey, Buck?"

"Yeah?"

Steve leaned forward and finally pressed his lips against his man's. Bucky's response was instantaneous, and he lifted his arms to wrap around Steve's neck in order to keep him close after Steve pulled way to rest his forehead against Bucky's own.

"I love you too."

**None of my work is beta'd so please excuse any mistakes as my own. Also, my first avengers/captain America work, so all the kinks haven't been quite ironed out yet. **


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